I feel lost lately. Or rather, I've been feeling lost for a long time but I'm really talking about it now. So what happened to most of the time? I treat it like it's perhaps after all, nothing. Or I will pen it down only to delete everything I wrote at the end of the day.

It’s actually nothing much, please don’t be alarm to read this and wonder if I’m ok (laughs). Sometimes I just don’t know what I am capable of. I don’t know what “type” of person I am. If only it is as easy as classifying blood types into “A” “B” etc. At times I wish I am brainy, that I can speak and write well, have great interest in classic books like those by Jane Austen or whoever. At times I wish I am the happy go lucky type, with little concern for everything – image, eye-stares, weather, time…and yak and yak and stay happy and yep, happy with everyday. I consider too many things and I never do anything. I yearn for betterment in myself but I do nothing about it, or maybe I did something little about it.

I really admire people who have goals, who know about things, and in its opposite, people who are ignorantly contended in their little bubbles. Entrepreneurs whom we failed by their un-sellable products or tactics have more courage and drive than I do. Friends who do not busy themselves with hall activities like mad bees are just as fulfilled by reading and knowing more. He who knows nothing much finds joy everyday with meals and movies.

I just can’t do it.

I can’t read the papers when they reported Japan won the cruel bid to commercially hunt whales and feel nothing. But I did nothing. I can’t go out to play knowing my mum is cooped at home doing housework. I can’t spend the money that I am not earning. I can’t be doing nothing in hall but yet I feel I do not know anyone there. I am not happy with movies and meals. I don’t know what I want and I rather be alone at times.

By the way, I think the airport is a very peaceful place.

The first comic Pig ever got interested in was CCS by clamp. Nevermind for those who don't know what's that, but she felt that the drawing was Niceeeeee. (though not perfect--NOT that she feels she can do even better than them). She used to draw some manga kinda drawings without referring to any comic books (she doesn't like to copy), but erm, let's just put it, she isn't really skilled. Found out that it's really quite difficult to make it look as nice as what's in her head. Whatever she drew somehow lacked something. But anyhow, her interest in Manga/comics was shortlived because what she's really interested in is the artwork Much more than the storylines (most are ridiculous over-exaggerated fighting/fantasy stories that aren't exactly her cup of tea). Oh and did I mention? She doesn't really like to read Chinese. But anyhow, Pig ended up reading a manga recently: Nana. AND, the drawing sucked. It took her 3 times of intro from a friend before she finally decided to read it. AND, really fell for the book.

I can practically imagine Panda going "eek. Don't like."

But the story, although containing explicit things that the 2 lead girls do which I don't exactly approve of, is very good. It's about 2 girls of same age, with similar names (which sound exactly the same in Jap: Nana). One is a funky, smoking girl who is independent and relatively more quiet and doesn't say out much but cares and is soft-hearted despite the punk image. Still funny, but more sane, and less privileged. The other Nana is a noisy, likes-to-throw-tantrums, dependent and a little over-imaginative girl. Funny, and crazy, she doesn't know what she wants in life and likes to drag her friends to accompany her--i.e. doesn't like to be alone when going somewhere. Blah blah blah, I didn't list out everything about them. It's too long to elaborate here, but the main story line is the two Nanas, and how they may be very different, but still became friends. The story is written from the 2nd Nana's point of view, and every "chapter" seems to start with things like "Hey Nana(the funky one), remember when we first met? I always..." and the narration is as though Nana is dead, and the funny one is reminiscing the good old days. And there are little truths in the story.

I like the story lots, and seeing too much of manga has put the art back in my head. But I didn't do those "wow" kinds, just the silly Q-version.

The punk Nana reminds me of all my friends. Each of my friends have certain traits that belong to her. Including Panda. And me? I see some of my traits in the crazy childish Nana.

Panda and I are not totally opposites, but we have our differences. Panda dares to experiment(though not as much as others) but relative to me. Panda likes certain things, colours, that Pig doesn't. Panda is a more carefree girl and pig cares too much about what people may think. And pig is SUPER DUPER lazy. Art, in many aspects, not just doodling, is a HUGE bonding. Photography, fashion, paint, design, such are things we both appreciate. Because Pig is actually quite empty inside--she doesn't like many things and art is one of the only few thing she likes. Haha but we do have similar tastes in food. :P

Anyhow, I was inspired to do a little something, and even though Panda isn't the only one of all my friends who has "Punk Nana traits" that are so unlike me, she's the one that clicks with me the exact way the two different personalities Nanas click. Not so much because of the similarities, but honouring of the differences (haha more of Panda's side though).

To us.

The hands and paper was drawn on the laptop's Paint (I was drawing my own hands); took a picture of a doodling I did on paper and merged the two. There's something nice about merging of two different means (i.e. computer and paper).

panda is unhappy, and pig too is struggling because she stoopidly screwed up and is delayed getting moolah. By the way, the picture was done much earlier, inspiration from moolah, but of course, also, because of the lack of it. One of the first few pics I did while experimenting on Photoshop. I couldn't even find the Pen!!Or is it pencil -_-"".. Nothing spectacular

Pig

Here's the story: I've got this fabulou$ opportunity for a one-$eme$ter exchange in London and now i'm in a total dilenma a$ to go or not to go. It's not an ea$y choice...all becau$e of moo-lah (you can a$k Pig for an already done illustration). I think i'm threading on world'$ most expen$ive land with the world'$ $tronge$t currency. I overheard Papa Panda and Mama Panda today di$cu$$ing moo-lah $tuff (or the lack of it). Den i went to think about all the horrible thing$ - being incapable of producing $$$ to betting odd$ in the World Cup for in$tant $$$. The only match that got me excited was the one with the ex-$teward $ingaporean referee by the way. If we can't $ee local lad$ play, at lea$t we can have $ome official repre$entative$. We are not that uninvolved in the international football $cene after all.

Argh. I hate moo-lah for not having it.

Panda