I feel lost lately. Or rather, I've been feeling lost for a long time but I'm really talking about it now. So what happened to most of the time? I treat it like it's perhaps after all, nothing. Or I will pen it down only to delete everything I wrote at the end of the day.

It’s actually nothing much, please don’t be alarm to read this and wonder if I’m ok (laughs). Sometimes I just don’t know what I am capable of. I don’t know what “type” of person I am. If only it is as easy as classifying blood types into “A” “B” etc. At times I wish I am brainy, that I can speak and write well, have great interest in classic books like those by Jane Austen or whoever. At times I wish I am the happy go lucky type, with little concern for everything – image, eye-stares, weather, time…and yak and yak and stay happy and yep, happy with everyday. I consider too many things and I never do anything. I yearn for betterment in myself but I do nothing about it, or maybe I did something little about it.

I really admire people who have goals, who know about things, and in its opposite, people who are ignorantly contended in their little bubbles. Entrepreneurs whom we failed by their un-sellable products or tactics have more courage and drive than I do. Friends who do not busy themselves with hall activities like mad bees are just as fulfilled by reading and knowing more. He who knows nothing much finds joy everyday with meals and movies.

I just can’t do it.

I can’t read the papers when they reported Japan won the cruel bid to commercially hunt whales and feel nothing. But I did nothing. I can’t go out to play knowing my mum is cooped at home doing housework. I can’t spend the money that I am not earning. I can’t be doing nothing in hall but yet I feel I do not know anyone there. I am not happy with movies and meals. I don’t know what I want and I rather be alone at times.

By the way, I think the airport is a very peaceful place.